I have devised a subtle yet ingenious scheme to keep thieves from breaking into my bus. It is visible from the outside. Let's take a look at all four sides of the bus and see if you can detect it.
We start with the front.
How about the back?
No, it's not Hooch. He'd only lick a would-be looter. Let's examine one side...
And then the other.
Now, that photo of the left flank of my bus is from a distance, but if you look closely you can see my anti-theft device at work. Here's my secret: Make sure the outside looks like crap!
The paint is peeling and faded, there are dents and scratches everywhere, and it looks like a dinosaur bit off a chunk of my back rear fender. My radio antenna hangs by a thread, no longer upright, flopping about in different directions as I drive. One of my lower compartments will not stay shut without a bungee cord. I never got a key to my water hookup compartment, so that one flaps in the breeze when we move. Some of my sunshades have fallen off; the ones that remain are ripped and discolored. Rust colorations are visible wherever there was once shiny metal. Various reflectors and lights are missing. Suspicious streaks and water stains pollute the windows. My slide outs, which sag when open and seem to ooze outward when they are nominally closed, expel a slow, steady stream of staples and disintegrating rubber. Dead bugs, dust, and dirt cover the entire exterior.
Nobody in their right mind would walk by a shiny new bus -- like the $2.4 million palace on wheels parked next to mine in the picture above -- and choose to mess with my jalopy.
Don't get me wrong, I love my coach. I live on the inside of the bus, which is quite nice, not the outside. I prefer substance over style, and I dig my rig's camouflage in plain sight.
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